normal-horoscopes:

Aries: You love like a rollercoaster, full of change and energy, vibrating at high velocity and responsible for a not small amount of deaths every year.

Taurus: You love like a mother, but not in a creepy way. You love like a spider mom. Constantly bursting with sacs of love.

Gemini: You love calmly. Perhaps too calmly. Your heart hasnt beat in years. Your blood moves slowly as the world rockets by.

Cancer: You love like a warship. You are a steady, nigh-unsinkable thing, but explosive if hit in the stern.

Leo: You love like a flock of wild parrots that learned to crave human flesh. Just good enough at talking to trick someone into letting you eat them alive.

Virgo: Your love is a D&D game turned fistfight. Catharsis. 

Libra: You had an unrequited crush and so you became the unrequited crush. All of them. You forgot what you look like under so many layers of tanned skin.

Scorpio: Your love is like a new set of art pens, the potential to paint with every color of the wind or more specifically these 16 colors of the wind. You get the job done.

Ophiuchus: You love like the small child in the supermarket concealing a firecracker under her raincoat. You are quite clever, but in a property damage kidna way.

Sagittarius: You are two power bottoms duct taped together at the spine to generate the worlds first perpetual motion machine. Infinite power.

Capricorn: You love like an escaped panther. This aint your comfort zone, not by a long shot, but when has that ever stopped you?

Aquarius: The Lesbian Antlers. 

Pisces: You love like an asexual samurai. You’re just here for the swords and if it become a problem, you have a sword.